Independence Robin
by Skies-Shall-Rain
Summary: It's Independence Day, and there's no party. Supposedly. And with homemade fireworks made with love by Beast Boy and Starfire's freakish pregnancy, what could possibly go right? Entry in my totally screwed up holiday series. This one actually has one sole cuss word. I know, shocking, right?


**TOO MANY REVIEWS! CAN'T…RESPOND…*explodes***

**But yeah, thanks guys :) you rock! Every single one of you! Review again and I'll totes answer you, applaud you, AND give you a trophy! Or just review and you'll get the same stuff :)**

**I hope this delivers. Again, save it for late-night, when all is epic. Ya know the drill by now ;D **

* * *

It was the day before the Fourth of July...so July third. Beast Boy sighed as he sat on the roof of the Tower, kicking his feet. He was supposed to get fireworks, but the stores were all out of the surprisingly legal inventions, which he knew came from China. Beast Boy had extensive knowledge of explosives. Then he perked up with what was possibly his worst idea yet; he would make his own fireworks! Excited, Beast Boy ran back into the Tower. He didn't talk to Robin because really, what could possibly go wrong?

* * *

July 4th.

Independence Day.

The only holiday on which stuff getting blown up is official celebration.

Pointless.

An American event commemorating freedom.

Calling it what they wanted, the Titans assembled in the common room.

"Okay. We're all in agreement then; no party. Okay?" Robin asked. At this moment, everyone from the previous parties (excluding Slade of course; nobody really wanted to include him in a freedom celebration because of how he liked to enslave people. Also a factor was the presence of explosives) burst in the door.

"Are we late for the party?" Red X asked excitedly. Robin facepalmed as Cyborg started up some good dancin' music and every started grooving around in the suddenly new common room; a red white and blue dance floor, DJ booth decorated with those fancy schmany red white and blue banners, endless red white and blue confetti, a buffet, a chocolate fountain, and an elevator to the roof.

* * *

Speedy stood by the punch bowl in a not-suspicious way, with a not-suspicious super-size vodka, not-suspiciously tipping it into the punch...

Raven popped up and slugged him in the gut, delivering quite the painful punch.

"SPEEDY!" she roared.

"Mommy!" he squeaked, curling up into a ball. Raven looked down at the Titan (who was now sucking his thumb pathetically) and sighed.

"Bumble Bee, does he have a change of pants?"

* * *

Somehow, the punch ended up spiked; Fang was the main suspect, but Aqualad and Johnny Rancid were suddenly acting verrry suspiciously around the other drinks. All of a sudden, Malchior appeared in his paper form.

"Hey can I join in?" he asked. Everyone moaned.

"Sure, yo!" Starfire called in a deep voice.

"Uh..."

"Tamaranian pregnancy thing," Robin explained as she began munching on the punch bowl. "Starfire NO!"

* * *

Jericho started doing the robot in the middle of the floor, making Kole squeal and faint. Yes, she was that drunk.

"Aw man that's racism!" Cyborg screamed, starting to cry pathetically.

* * *

Starfire was trying to eat Robin's cape.

"OM NOM NOM!"

"Oh man..." Robin shed his cape, facepalming as it vanished into his girlfriend's mouth. "That was my favorite cape!"

"DID SOMEONE SAY NOM?" Beast Boy shouted.

"NO!" everyone knew what came next. Beast Boy began to sing.

"Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom! Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom, nom nom nom nom nom nom nom! Nom—"

Raven snuck up and hit him in the head with her boot.

* * *

Somebody had taped a random party hat to Wildebeest's forehead (everyone was suspicious of either Blackfire or Kitten, but Robin thought Cheshire's grin was a little too innocent and that it could me an emotional mask), and Hot Spot was riding him.

"Look guys! I found a unicorn!" he grinned idiotically, which was the only way he really knew how to grin. Argent rolled her eyes, but smiled at her boyfriend's antics.

* * *

When things were calming down a bit...

"Let's go swimming!" Beast Boy suggested. Everyone jumped out the window except Raven, who (being a know-it-all and stuff) wasn't yet tipsy. Also the kids and Bobby, who were safely locked away in Robin's room, didn't make the jump. Shucks.

In the water, things were getting freaky again.

Robin froze himself, Cyborg, Jinx, and Fang accidentally when he dropped a freeze disk. Hot Spot was holding onto Argent and screaming for his mommy, being hydrophobic and all. Lightning was electrocuting Pantha, Kitten, Billy, and SeeMore accidentally. Kid Flash was running on the water, splashing everyone. Mammoth was splashing around like a little kid. Malchior was turning soggy and crying his eyes out, which only made him more soggy. Blackfire was laughing at Malchior's pain.

Somehow, a game of volleyball started up. Cyborg deployed a random net and the teams were decided; heroes vs. villains, five at once. Up first were Robin, Beast Boy, Raven, Jinx, and Kid Flash against SeeMore, Mammoth, Johnny, Blackfire, and Kitten. The rules were established; the rule of "if you get hit, you have to switch out" plus regular rules.

"Game ON!" Kid Flash puffed out his chest as he served. The ball hit Kitten in the head.

"Ouch! Hey! I was filing my nails!" she complained. Everyone groaned, and she switched places with Billy. Kid Flash served again, and SeeMore hit it to Raven. The empath caught it with telekinesis and hurled it at Mammoth, who hit it right back at Robin. The Boy Blunder gave it a kick, and Jinx hexed Blackfire so she fell to the ground instead of returning.

The heroes high-fived.

"We quit!" the villains gave in, being very pitiful and wimpy.

"WOOT!" Beast Boy shouted in joy.

"Alright y'all, back to the Tower," Cyborg said sternly, like he was a dad or something.

"Aww!" everyone sulked back.

* * *

"So..." Beast Boy leaned on Raven's shoulder, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

"You're not getting laid tonight," she answered his unasked question flatly.

"What? Raven, how could you even think...?" she raised an eyebrow. "Not even a little?"

"No."

* * *

Starfire ripped off her shirt and started beatboxing.

"I'm from Tamaran, and I will steal yo' man! I'm a crazy bitch, and I'm gonna get hitched! Mah life's pretty neat, I'm savin' the streets! You pretty much suck, but I can really—"

"Okay that's enough," Jinx clamped a hand over the alien's mouth and dragged her offstage. When had the stage even gotten there? It hadn't been there before. Billy was the main suspect.

"Aww..." most of the males in the "audience" got slapped by their girlfriends.

* * *

"I'm brush brush brushin' mah teeth!" Kid Flash cheered.

"With my hand!" Argent pulled away from Kid Flash in disgust. Hot Spot ran over and started a fight with Kid Flash.

"…They really are idiots, aren't they?" Jinx came over to ask Argent.

"Yup," she replied.

"And we still love them."

"Yup."

"Why?"

"Because we're idiots," there was a long silence, then they laughed, watching their boyfriends play "who can slap fastest and hardest" on the floor.

* * *

Robin was riding on Fang's head, wielding a random lasso. He threw the loop at a floating Raven, but it fell far short, as it was only two feet long. She looked down at the now crying Boy Blunder.

"...Wow," was all she could say. She was that stupefied by his stupendous attempt to show off in front of his girl.

"Like, I, like, know, like, right?" Starfire asked with a giggle. Everyone looked at her funny as she started trying to eat the ceiling.

* * *

"Gimme a T!" Starfire screamed

"T!" everyone shouted at her.

"Gimme an F!" she shouted.

"F!" they replied.

"Gimme a q!" she called.

"Q!" they answered.

"Gimme an A!" she shrieked.

"A!" they shouted back.

"Gimme a G!" she yelled.

"G!" they retorted.

"Gimme an M!" she said loudly.

"M!" they answered, just as loud.

"Gimme an N!" she shouted.

"N!" they repeated.

"Gimme an I!" Starfire hooted.

"I!" the crowd was starting to get tired.

"Gimme a D!" the Tamaranian was going strong.

"D!" the crowd's volume was dwindling.

"Gimme a G!" Starfire was frustrated at their lack of enthusiasm.

"G!" they were losing interest.

"Gimme an H!" she attempted to rally them.

"H!" they didn't get louder.

"Gimme a D!" Starfire did a twirl, a flip, and a high kick while hovering.

"D—ow!" this was because the males had shouted "D" (the view up Starfire's skirt had perked them up) and their girlfriends had slapped them.

"Gimme a B!" she was almost done.

"B!" they sensed this and sighed the letter with relief.

"What's that spell?"

"Tfqagmnidghdb?" the confused crowd muttered.

"You got it wrong!" Starfire burst into tears.

* * *

"Hey Raven!" Beast Boy grinned. "What's—?"

"You're still not getting laid," she said flatly, not raising her eyes from her book—not even when Aqualad, dressed like a ninja, leaped over her head and slammed facefirst into the wall. Which was pretty funny, and not an everyday sight. I mean sure the guy always wore one huge piece of…what was that, fabric?...but he was never seen in black, or slamming facefirst into any walls of any kind. And this wall just so happened to be a random brick wall behind the couch. Yup, it was red brick, already covered in graffiti. Everyone was a suspect to Robin. Beast Boy pouted.

* * *

Speedy and Red X were hiding behind forts made of rubber ducks, hurling globs icing at each other via very large spoons, Speedy clearly still upset about the result of Valentine's Day's Jedi vs. Sith fight. He was throwing icing with deadly accuracy, and Red X almost got—gasp!—hit a few times!

"Uh...okay..." Terra blinked a few times at the stupidity of it all, right before an exceptionally large glob thrown by Red X went totally awry and struck her right in the face.

* * *

Angel, Kyd, and Cheshire were playing hopscotch in a corner while Cyborg whined about chalk on his floor. A small crowd was gathering, cheering them on. Kyd had his tongue sticking out of his mouth as he hopped, but tumbled off when he was almost to the end.

"Blue it, Kyd! That cost me a hundred bucks!" Robin shouted, his gambling problem obviously not resolved—even after extensive therapy.

Cheshire easily made it across.

As Angel was hopping, her wing hit a random gnome left over from the Valentine's Day party (whaaaaat?), causing her to fall slowly and dramatically to the floor.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Robin yelled in slow motion.

"You still owe me two-fifty, man," Cyborg said.

"Two hundred fifty? That's not too bad," Raven tried to see the bright side for once.

"Two hundred fifty thousand…" Robin muttered. Raven blinked.

"Oh."

* * *

"BOO TO AMERICA!" Slade burst in, wielding a bazooka. "Wait...is that...a giant lollipop?" everyone was climbing the telephone pole-sized stick. "AMERICA RULES!" he carelessly threw aside the bazooka and ran to join in the fun, which happened to be cherry-flavored and very sticky.

* * *

Starfire suddenly melted into a puddle.

"I'm guessing this is a side effect..." Robin mused. He got a bubble in response.

* * *

"Check it out! Kyd got a bra!" Speedy cheered. Angel patted herself down.

"What the...? How the fireworks did he do that!" she shouted.

* * *

Herald started flapping his limbs wildly, flailing around like a dying chicken. The sight was so shocking that everyone turned to look at him. He grinned and thrashed more.

"What on Earth are you doing?" Kitten raised an eyebrow.

"I'm dancing!" Herald shouted proudly, like he had gone potty like a big boy for the first time.

"...You're totes not," she replied flatly.

* * *

Kole facepalmed as every guy piled on top of a piece of aluminum because they thought it would help them get somewhere with their respective girlfriends, or a girl in general.

"I got it!" Kid flash jumped clear and was instantly mobbed.

* * *

Fang dropped from the ceiling in front of Thunder and Red Star, causing them to scream like girls. Pantha hurled the laughing spider-guy out the window.

* * *

"NOW!" Speedy, Cyborg, and Aqualad ambushed Starfire with silly string. She caught it in her mouth and licked her lips

Everyone stared in shock as she grabbed the cans and shoved them into her mouth.

* * *

Blackfire dropped Red X from the ceiling, and he slammed into the ground. Hard. Harder that a diamond, which is like a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10 on the whatever hardness scale.

"You can teleport!" Kitten shouted the obvious.

"Oh yeah..." he muttered into the floor.

* * *

Cheshire fed a piece of chocolate to Terra, who bloated until she looked like a pregnant cow. Everyone doubled over laughing except Terra and Aqualad. And Starfire, who was now eating the couch.

* * *

In the kids' room, Mas and Menos were bouncing off walls.

"Hey Melvin?"

"Yeah Gizmo?" Melvin dodged a flying Menos.

"You wanna...naw, it's a stupid question."

Melvin crossed her arms, pouting.

* * *

Cyborg pulled a string, and skittles rained down. Everyone turned their faces up to taste the rainbow.

"Ouch!" Robin cried as one landed on his mask.

"Dude. You have a mask on," Beast Boy pointed out.

"It still left a boo-boo!" Robin began to cry.

* * *

Bumble Bee shrank down to a minuscule size and flew up to Slade, hovering beside where his ear should have been. Who knows how that guy can possibly hear through solid metal.

"Slade..."

"Huh?" he looked around and saw nobody. "Who's there?" Bumble Bee restrained a snicker.

"My name is...Conscience. And you have been very bad. Apologize!"

"Or what?"

"I'll eat your brains, because I'm a ZOMBIE CONSCIENCE!" Bumble Bee grew to full size right in front of Slade, who fainted into the fetal position. Everyone burst out laughing, because nobody liked Slade. Nobody. At all. Except Terra. And possibly Starfire, who wasn't laughing because she was chewing a hole in the wall.

* * *

"NINJA KICK!" Aqualad had again donned the ninja suit and was aiming a kick at Starfire. She turned and started eating his foot. "Whaaa…?"

* * *

"HELP ME I'M DROWNING!" Robin screamed, splashing around in the sink.

"...Try rolling to your left," Jinx suggested dryly. Robin thudded to the floor.

"I gotta 'nother boo-boo!" he cried.

* * *

Gnarrk was partying hard when strobes started going off.

"GNARRK!" he hid behind Starfire, who—of course—tried to eat him.

* * *

Kid Flash vibrated his molecules through Jinx.

And did it again.

And again.

"What the flag are you doing?"

"...You don't want to know," he smirked. Jinx smacked him upside the head for his pervertedness.

* * *

"Raven, did you know?" Beast Boy put an arm around her waist. "You're looking exceptionally beautiful tonight."

"Still not getting laid," she put down his persistent efforts.

"Oh come on!"

* * *

Robin was dancing around a campfire, chanting. Jericho was tied to a stick, hanging over the fire. Starfire, in tribal clothes and with a painted face, joined Robin. Everyone gave them weird looks except Terra, who still looked like a cow. Oh and Speedy, who was too drunk to see straight and was currently falling out the window.

"Ooh hoo ooh uh uh guh?" Robin asked Starfire.

"Woo goo uga shaka laka!" she replied excitedly.

"Shuga oum?"

"Tur du ugh! Tur du ugh!"

"Uh uh uh!"

"I think I can communicate," Beast Boy said suddenly.

"Well that's a shock," Raven answered dryly.

"Uh…ooga hooga mooga poo?" Beast Boy said cautiously. Robin and Starfire exchanged a gance.

"Durda," they said, charging Beast Boy with sharp sticks. He screamed like a girl and ran the other way.

* * *

Speedy (fully recovered from his fall) leaped back in through the window, wielding a REALly fake light saber.

"Red X! WHOMP SHOOMP FIZT! Face me in battle, cowering Jedi scum! You may have defeated me before in SHWIZ icing wars and RZT light saber duels, but no FWOMP more!"

"Speedy, you foul FAPM FWOOM Sith! I accept your SSZT challenge!"

They sprang at each other and began their light saber duel.

"NYAH!"

"FIZZ!"

"SHEE!"

* * *

"Time for cake!" Aqualad wheeled out a rather large cake. It had three rectangular tiers, with the bottom two being patterned like fireworks in the night sky and the top like an American flag.

"Yummeh!" Red X charged the cake with two forks, but Slade sprang out from the middle of it.

"BOOGALOOGA!"

"AAAAHH! What in the name of cookouts?"

SSR

"Hey Melvin?"

"Yes, Gizmo?" she batted her eyelashes.

"Guh...nevermind," he sulked away. She crossed her arms and pouted.

* * *

Robin stood on the stage, singing Flyleaf very terribly. VERY terribly. He was in the wrong key, terribly off-pitch, and getting half of the lyrics wrong.

"I can sense you all behind me curdling the air I'm sucking, gripping onto what I'm sensing enjoying this soul that's healing..."

"ROBIN STOP MAULING ONE OF THE MOST EPIC BANDS EVER!" Jinx hexed him and started beating the shiz outta him. Kid Flash watched, eyebrows raised, as his girlfriend pummeled the leader of the Titans.

"...Weirdo," Kole muttered.

* * *

A familiar red guy (shrunk down to normal size) walked in, totally normal like.

"TRIGON!" Robin bellowed, aiming a random ninja kick into thin air and catching Lightning's butt. Everyone gave him funny looks. "What? Fistpalming is reserved for SLADE!" he slammed his fist into his palm, and Hot Spot screamed.

"Why aren't you normal?" Argent asked Robin. "Why can't you just _say_ his name like everyone else does?" Robin shrugged.

"Back to TRIGON!" he kicked Lightning's butt again. The Titan fell flat on his face.

"Hey man. Wazzup?" the demon asked.

"Uh..."

"Just came to remind Beast Boy here that if Raven doesn't want to get laid, she's not getting laid," Beast Boy blushed.

"Screw you dad!" Raven flipped him off.

"Well that's grateful," Trigon stuck out his tongue. "Can I stick around?"

"Whatever..."

* * *

"The power's out!" Cyborg shouted as everything turned black.

"Way to state the obvious," Raven said drily, giving out her normal dose of sarcasm.

"I can't see!" shouted Hot Spot.

"Light up, will ya?" Bumble Bee asked. Hot Spot ignited, singing Lightning. Cyborg began shining his flashlights around—they stuck out from every part of him, fairly awkwardly.

"I upgraded," he said proudly.

"I wonder what happened…?" Robin wondered aloud.

* * *

Teether was eating the main power line, chowing down happily while everyone else in the kids' room was ignorant of his absence.

* * *

"Seven minutes in heaven!" Kid Flash called. The light sources extinguished themselves.

"Unfair!" Johnny Rancid whined.

* * *

_Twelve minutes and eighty-seven seconds later…_

"Uno!" Kid Flash exclaimed cheekily, clutching his eight cards that nobody could see.

"Cheater!" Cyborg shouted. "I've been keeping track of everyone's card count with my computer. You have eight, Jinx has two, Robin has three, Starfire has eight hundred, Kitten has fifteen, and Raven has…zero?"

"I was waiting for you to realize that," she said smugly.

"That's my girl!" Trigon cheered.

"Take me back!" Malchior begged.

"Never say that again, and I have a boyfriend you creep," Raven told them montonously. Two seconds later, the sound of ripping paper was heard, followed by Beast Boy's very distinct "I'm innocent" whistle.

* * *

"RRFMP!"

SHPMOW!"

Speedy and Red X were continuing their battle with glow in the dark light sabers.

* * *

"Uh…Melvin?"

"Yeeees?"

"…Nevermind…" Melvin waited until his back was turned to throw a clock straight through the floor.

* * *

"Ouch!" Robin exclaimed as a random clock hit him in the head. Starfire ran over and ate it.

* * *

"Alright, time for fireworks!" Cyborg yelled. Everyone somehow crammed into the one-person elevator. Except Terra, who was still bloated, and Starfire, who was trying to eat her.

* * *

"Independence Day…it isn't just a holiday. It's a celebration of our freedom from the British, whose accents sound really weird. Really, I guess any accent sounds really weird," Argent punched Robin in the face and promptly got tackled by Starfire. "Anyhow, it isn't just a day for blowing stuff up," Robin glared at Beast Boy, "or pointless," he glared at Raven, "or the 4th of July," he glared at Cyborg. "It's Independence Day. And we need to celebrate," there was a solemn silence.

"Let's party before the fireworks!" Trigon shouted. "I can boss everyone around because I'm evil…also because I'm red, one of today's colors."

"I have a tattoo on my butt!" Kid Flash announced randomly, a stupid grin on his face.

"That's nice, dear," Jinx clearly didn't believe him.

* * *

"Hey where's Malchior?" Kitten wondered aloud. Fang shrugged, and they continued dancing.

* * *

In the common room, Silkie was using a pile of shredded paper as a litterbox.

* * *

Bumble Bee was offering a free fake tattoo service. She had already done a hot pink heart with "Mom" in girly script on Slade's forehead, a robin on Speedy's cheek, and a pattern of a fish taco all over Aqualad's face. Now she was cautiously doodling a swastika on Starfire's stomach. Why was she being cautious?

Because she was doing her tattoos secretly with miniscule tools.

* * *

"Hey Melvin?"

"Yes Gizmo?"

"Would you...er...like to...um...maybe..." he gulped, "watch the fireworks with me?" it came out as a squeak.

She glomped him.

* * *

"Hey guys, it's getting close to midnight!" Kole announced in a panic.

"Then let's light this baby!" Robin cheered, setting an impossibly large match to the largest firework. It promptly exploded in a fairly colorful blast, effectively demolishing the Tower and its island.

* * *

In the hospital…

"BEEEAST BOOOOOY!" everyone yelled from various rooms.

"Heheh…oops?"

* * *

**:D What's the next holiday? Halloween? Woooooow that's a long way away…can't wait, guys! It's gonna be AWESHUMNESS! **


End file.
